HERA: who is this
ZEUS: who is what
HERA: who is this naked youth
ZEUS: youre going to have to be more specific
HERA: the one at your feet
ZEUS: oh
him
what about him
HERA: where did he come from
ZEUS: where did any of us come from
you know?
could be from the sea
or my own head
or spit up by an angry snake
hard to tell
HERA: did you kidnap him for sex
ZEUS: what
no
what?
HERA: did he kidnap you for sex
ZEUS: no
he’s
my cup guy
this is Ganymede, Official Cup Holder
he holds the cups
HERA: really
ZEUS: youve been saying forever that we need a guy to hold all the cups we use
HERA: i’ve never said that
ZEUS: someones been saying it
i just thought id save us all a little trouble
HERA: why isn’t he holding any cups
ZEUS: what
HERA: if he’s the cup holder why doesn’t he have a cup to offer me
i’m thirsty
ZEUS: I’m
EARTHQUAKE
[ZEUS raises his hands and all of Mount Olympus begins to shake violently. HERA is trapped underneath a falling rock]
ZEUS: sorry babe
cant hear you over all this earthquake
Dirtbag Zeus on thetoast.net (via laurencombeferre)

cat-pic:

ろくたん₍˄ุ.͡˳̫.˄ุ₎ฅ˒˒

fulmadz:

I have like 277262 kisses saved up for you

gyarados:

Could you imagine if science was actually governed by public opinion

Imagine having to reject evolution because you’re a scientist in Texas

spookymistersir:

gruesome-kids:

beben-eleben:

This Illustrator Turns the World Around Him into Real-Life Cartoons

This is fantastic

are elephants mammals? they give birth but i dont think they nurse their young

kelly1mc:

lamapalooza:

ellendegeneres:

That’s one way to handle the heat.

Ellen: “….kay”

I’m never gonna get over Ellen’s face

vonmunsterr:

toastedpopsicle:

CAT NEST

CAT NEST

CAAAAAAAAT NEEEEEEEEST.

CAT. NEST.

i definitely thought the orange one was a pumpkin and this was some weird yankee halloween thing

bobsavage:

positivedoodles:

"something on toxic relationships" requested by breathinginthestarlight

This includes friendships and relatives, not just romantic relationships. Remember that you don’t owe anyone anything.

julianocasabranca:

FUN STORY: my grandma lives in a city that was currently taken over by drug dealers and gangs and it’s now divided in two and my grandma is the oNLY CITIZEN IN THE WHOLE CITY who can go walking freely through both sides of the town because she used to do community work and feed the poor kids and those gang members were all fed by her so they let her come and go as she wants SO WHAT WE LEARN TODAY IS TO BE FUCKING NICE TO KIDS BC U MIGHT BE DEALING W FUTURE GANG MEMBERS

lacigreen:

byebye weak ass homophobic/transphobic legal defenses.

Eevee Pokemon